I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
