The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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