He had one of those small greek statue penises
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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