2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
