why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
