I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize