3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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