he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
