I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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