haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
