I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize