What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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