He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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