Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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