hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
