I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
