If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
