spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize