She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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