The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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