He had one of those small greek statue penises
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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