ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
