Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize