I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
