i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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