I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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