8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
