Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
