do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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