Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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