Dual....:-)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
