): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
