I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
