if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
