miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
