As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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