and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
