Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
