i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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