Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
