Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
