I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
