You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
