my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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