I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
