I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
