i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
