My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
