I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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