doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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