butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
