Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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