I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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