Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
