in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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