Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
