hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
