So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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