Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
