there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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