I wish I only lived at night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
