2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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