I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
