I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
