nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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