guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
