found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
