if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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