i don't like sucking hair
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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